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  • Writer's pictureCarolyn Norton

I see you single one

Single. Solo. Lone. Singular. Solitary. There are multiple synonyms for the word "single".

Look up the definition and here’s what you get.

: not married

: of or relating to celibacy

: unaccompanied by others : LONE, SOLE

: the single survivor of the disaster

: consisting of or having only one part, feature, or portion

: consisting of one as opposed to or in contrast with many

: consisting of only one in number holds to a single ideal

: consisting of a separate unique whole : INDIVIDUAL

: of, relating to, or involving only one person

And we wonder why there’s such a stigma around singleness. Or why single people often feel unseen.

Nine out of ten posts on Valentines Day are of people’s loves- their kids, marriages, relationships, pets or even themselves showing lots of PDA, heart eyes or kissy emojis, flowers and phrases like “two is always better than one”, “I found the one my heart desires” or “i love him more today than the day we got married.” Heck I even turned on Dr Phil today and it was all about people who married themselves?!

But today isn’t all roses and heart eyes for everyone. For some of us, we're in such a long-ass season of waiting it feels like our circumstances will never change.

Here’s the reality. Valentines Day is amazing for most people who have spouses or significant others. Its probably amazing for people who are “married to themselves”. Restaurants are overbooked, flower shops are working overtime, more chocolate is consumed today than any other day. And yet, for most of us single people it’s just a day. But it’s a day when everyone else’s relationships and happiness are thrown in our faces. In fact if we don’t want to see that we best be off our phones and TVs sitting in the quiet.

Before you think I'm Pessimistic Polly over here, let me clarify something....I love L-O-V-E.

Like many young girls I’ve had dreams my whole life of what my wedding day would be like - from the number of bridesmaids I’d have beside me to the music at the reception. My nieces and nephew would be my flower girls and ring bearer and I’d dance the night away with them at our reception. I would imagine the feeling of being a new bride, what our honeymoon would be like, when we’d have our first child and what holding our baby for the first time would feel like.

But today as I sit here at 50, unmarried with no date or valentines dinner plans, having been in more than 15 weddings and having nieces and nephews closer to marriage than me, that dream seems so far away. One sister is on her second marriage and the other has been married for 25 years. Kids i babysat for or taught when they were little are now married with kids of their own. My sweet Dad who I couldn't wait to walk me down the aisle is 78 and more fragile by the day.

Does that mean I’ve given up on those dreams? No. Because that would be giving up on God who I know can do miracles and move mountains. Does it mean it’s hard? Absolutely. Have I cried most of the day? Yes. Have I felt like crawling in bed and waking up tomorrow when it’s not Valentine’s Day? Sure.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18)

Just like people grieve the death of a friend or loved one, a lot of single people grieve dreams deferred, and that’s ok. Let yourself grieve single one. Cry if you need to. Crawl under the covers. Turn off your phones or tvs if you must. But don’t allow yourself to sit in it long. And don’t let the words “unwanted” or “unloved” creep into your mind because those are lies from the enemy. They are not true and don’t deserve your brain power.

I woke up single and I’ll be going to bed single. But I also woke up loved and desired by my God, my Savior, my bridegroom, my Creator and so did you- whether you believe in God or not.

So today grieve if you must, take care of your personal and mental health and turn off your phones. Give yourself some grace. It’s a hard day for many of us. But remember God’s mercies are New every day and tomorrow is a new day with new hope. Allow yourself to dream again, get back on dating apps if you want to and get outside and face the day. Most of all, use this time of waiting to grow in your relationship with God and pray for your spouse and your future. God is listening! Don’t miss what God may have for you because you were too busy sitting in the sadness. For whenever that dream comes true, and I believe that it will, it will be better than you could have ever imagined!

I see you single one. And so does God!

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)

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